Skip to Main Content
chevron-right
chevron-left
chevron-down
chevron-up
chevron-circle-up
chevron-circle-right
chevron-circle-down
chevron-circle-left
Facebook Logo
Twitter Logo
Linkedin Logo
Youtube Logo
Instagram Logo
Google Plus Logo
Vimeo Logo
Issuu Logo
Right arrow
Left arrow
Location
Search
Phone Icon
Services
Home Care
Senior Care
Home Nursing Services
At Home Therapies
Respite Care
Home Care FAQ
Hospice
Bereavement & Grief
Hospice & Alzheimers
Hospice Costs
Hospice Pet Therapy
Special Care Programs
Your Care Team
Specialized Home Care
Patient-Centered Dementia Care
Arthritis
Congestive Heart Failure
Huntington’s Disease
Hypertension / Blood Pressure
Coronary Artery Disease
Diabetes
COPD
Joint Replacement
Mental Health and Depression
Home Care Support for Multiple Sclerosis
Palliative Care
Paraplegia and Quadriplegia
Parkinson's Disease
Pediatric Care
Traumatic Brain Injury
Ventilator Care
Wound Care
Veterans Care
Staffing
Staffing FAQ
COVID-19 Vaccination Staffing
Careers
About Us
COVID-19 Update
Our Standard of Care
Our History
Franchise Leader
Executive Team
Caring Brands International
Press Releases
Honoring Veterans
Historic Milestones
Contact Us
Education Center
Aging in Place
Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Home Health Aide
8 Dietary Tips for Improving Senior Heart Health
Talking About Substance Abuse as a Caregiver
How to Take Care of Aging Hair
4 Ways to Improve Indoor Air Quality for Seniors
Designing Outdoor Living Areas for Seniors
Getting A Grip: How and Where to Install Bathroom Grab Bars
Keeping Active: Tips for Senior Gardening
Alzheimer's and Dementia
Calculating the Cost
Certified Senior Advisors
Consumer Health Care Education
Advisor Care Giving Guide
Care in a Residential Facility
Check Your Home Care IQ
Elder Care Communities
Consumer Alert
Medicare and Home Care
Senior Care Resources
Senior Care Scams
Consumer Rights
Signs That Care At Home is Needed
Long Term Care
Fall Prevention
Mobility in Seniors
Falls FAQ's
Home Safety Checklist
Home Safety Tips
Hidden Hazards
Medications and Fall Risk
Reduce the Risk of Falling
Risk of Falling
Visiting the Doctor and Discussing Falls
What to Do If Someone Falls
Family Caregiving
Elder Care Videos
Hiring Your Own Caregivers
Family Care Giving Facts
Information for Seniors
Long Distance Caregiving
Starting the Conversation
The Stress of Family Caregiving
Taking Care Of Yourself as a Family Caregiver
Home Care Technology
Hospice Fact or Myth
In-Home Caregivers
Senior Health
Exercise and Older Adults
Senior Nutrition
Taking Medications
Tips for Lowering Blood Pressure
Seniors and Zika Virus
Savvy Senior
Stories From Home
Transitioning from a Facility
Independent Living Assessment
Blog
Facebook
Linkedin
Twitter
Youtube
Instagram
Home
>
Blog
>
November 2018
>
It's Not Personal: When a Loved One with Dementia Distrusts You
It's Not Personal: When a Loved One with Dementia Distrusts You
Posted: 11/1/2018 12:04 PM by
Interim HealthCare
By Jennifer L. Cook
A person with
Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia
can sometimes become suspicious, paranoid or even jealous of you and other people. It can be baffling and upsetting to encounter personality changes like these in a loved one who up until then was perfectly trusting.
Take, for example, the husband who drove his wife to the doctor and waited for her in the waiting room. All seemed well until the next morning, when she awoke convinced that the doctor had abused her and furious that her husband hasn’t defended her. When he tried to explain to his wife that nothing happened, she became more enraged.
Or the grandmother who accused her teenage granddaughter, following one of her after-school visits, of stealing money from her sewing room. The granddaughter’s denials only inflamed her grandmother, who banished her from the house and threatened to call the police.
What provokes these reactions, and what’s the best way to deal with them?
Catherine Tedder, RN, senior manager of program development and implementation at Interim HealthCare and a certified PAC (Positive Approach to Care) trainer, provides these insights and tips.
Remember that the reaction is a symptom of the condition.
Emotions like fear, anger, anxiety, paranoia and agitation are symptoms of the altered perceptions and understanding that arise from having a failing brain. In other words, those emotions are the dementia speaking, not your loved one. If your mom accuses you of stealing, for instance, seeing her paranoia and distrust as symptoms of her illness may help you gain some perspective and avoid getting angry or hurt.
Take your loved one’s concerns seriously.
Even when their story seems crazy, denying or dismissing it will likely make matters worse. Instead, ask questions, listen and acknowledge their emotions. After all, your dad really believes that the new caregiver is plotting to change his will. Expressing your support and sympathy — without confirming their suspicions — can go a long way toward helping your loved one get past the fear and paranoia.
Try distraction.
Leverage your loved one’s interests to try to distract them when they’re agitated. For instance, you could calmly say, “Let’s work on this puzzle for a little while.” Or if it’s getting close to lunchtime, you might say, “What should we make you for lunch? Let’s work on this together.” However, even when distraction does work, be forewarned that it may not last.
Check with the doctor.
In dementia patients, agitation or anxiety can sometimes be a first sign of a physical problem such as a urinary tract infection or pneumonia. Since these illnesses can make someone very sick very quickly, it’s worth putting in a call to their doctor.
Give yourself time off.
It’s extremely tough if not impossible to care for a person with dementia 24/7 by yourself, especially when the person’s behavior is challenging. To preserve your emotional well-being, establish early on a group of family members and/or friends who are trusted by your loved one and who can come by to visit them and allow you a bit of time to rejuvenate, even if it’s just an hour to get a coffee with a friend, go to church, visit the library or simply get out and be by yourself for a while. You might also look into
respite care
, which provides short-term relief for caregivers, either in the home or at a facility. Respite care can give you time to go shopping and run errands or even take a vacation.
In the end, says Tedder, the best thing you can do for a person with dementia is be in the moment with them, doing together activities that bring them joy.
Jennifer L. Cook, an award-winning journalist based in New York’s Hudson Valley, is dedicated to helping improve readers’ health and wellbeing.